When your child is worried, your first instinct is to fix it fast: “Don’t worry!” “There’s nothing to be scared of!” “You’ll be fine!” It comes from love. But to an anxious child, those words can sound like your feeling is wrong, and the worry often gets louder.
What helps more is showing them that the feeling makes sense, that you’re with them, and that they can handle it. Here are 20 phrases that do exactly that, grouped by what your child needs in the moment.
Why the words we choose matter
Anxiety is the body’s alarm system going off. A child in that state can’t be reasoned out of it with facts. They first need to feel safe and understood. Once the alarm quiets down, they can think, talk and problem-solve with you.
So the order matters: connect first, then calm, then solve.
Phrases that show you understand
- “That sounds really scary.”
- “It makes sense that you feel worried about that.”
- “I can see your body is feeling nervous right now.”
- “You’re not in trouble. I just want to understand.”
- “Lots of kids feel this way. You’re not the only one.”
Phrases that help them calm their body
- “Let’s take three slow breaths together.”
- “Can you smell the flower, then blow out the candle?”
- “Where do you feel the worry in your body?”
- “Let’s squeeze our hands tight… and let them go floppy.”
- “I’m right here. We can sit together until it feels smaller.”
Phrases that build their confidence
- “You’ve done hard things before, like ___.”
- “You don’t have to feel brave to be brave.”
- “What would you tell a friend who felt this way?”
- “The worry is loud, but it isn’t the boss of you.”
- “I believe you can handle this, and I’ll help.”
Phrases that help them solve the problem
- “What’s the worst thing you’re imagining? What’s most likely to happen?”
- “What’s one small step we could try?”
- “Should we make a plan for if that happens?”
- “What helped last time you felt like this?”
- “Would it help to name the feeling? Is it nervous, scared or overwhelmed?”
Phrases to avoid (and what to say instead)
- “Don’t worry.” Try: “I hear that you’re worried. Let’s figure it out together.”
- “There’s nothing to be scared of.” Try: “That feels scary to you. Tell me more.”
- “You’re fine.” Try: “You’re safe, and I’m right here.”
- “Stop crying.” Try: “It’s okay to cry. I’ll stay with you.”
Help them find the words themselves
Over time, the goal is for your child to name their own feelings. Kids who can say “I feel nervous about the test” can start to handle the feeling instead of being swept away by it. A printable feelings chart on the fridge gives them words to point to when talking is hard.
When worry is more than everyday worry
All kids feel anxious sometimes. If your child’s worry is intense, lasts for weeks, or gets in the way of school, sleep, eating or friendships, talk with your pediatrician or school counselor. Getting support early is a loving, brave step.
Practice these skills together
Our workbook Big Feelings, Brave Me helps kids ages 6–12 name and handle worry, anger, sadness and fear through five gentle stories and kid-friendly journal pages. You can also download our free feelings chart.