When we asked parents which part of the day is hardest, bedtime came up again and again. It makes sense: it’s the moment when everyone’s energy is lowest, kids included.
A predictable bedtime routine won’t make every night perfect, but it takes most of the arguing out of it. Here’s a plan that works for most families.
Why routines work at bedtime
Kids feel safer when they know what’s coming next. A routine done in the same order every night signals to their body and brain that sleep is on the way, and it replaces dozens of small decisions (“Do I have to brush my teeth now?”) with a familiar pattern.
A simple 45-minute bedtime routine
- 45 minutes before lights out: screens off. Give a 5-minute warning first.
- 40 minutes: quick tidy and backpack packed for tomorrow.
- 30 minutes: bath or shower and pajamas.
- 20 minutes: brush teeth, bathroom, a last drink of water.
- 15 minutes: books together in bed.
- 5 minutes: a short connection moment: a song, a cuddle, “what was the best part of today?”
- Lights out, at the same time every night, including weekends as much as possible.
Make it visual
A routine card with pictures for younger kids or a checklist for older ones turns you from the reminder into the cheerleader. Kids check the card instead of asking you what’s next.
Fixes for common bedtime stalls
- “One more glass of water”: build water into the routine before books, and keep a cup by the bed.
- “I’m not tired”: they don’t have to sleep, just stay in bed quietly with a book or dim light.
- Repeated getting up: walk them back calmly and briefly, every time, with as little conversation as possible.
- Big feelings at bedtime: worries often surface in the dark. Try a few minutes of “worry time” earlier in the evening so bedtime isn’t the first chance to talk.
Adjusting by age
- Toddlers and preschoolers: short, very consistent, lots of picture cues.
- School-age kids: more independence, like reading on their own for the last 10 minutes.
- Tweens and teens: agree on a phone “parking spot” outside the bedroom.
If you’re doing bedtime alone
Solo bedtime with more than one child is a lot. Stagger it if you can, with the youngest first, and let older kids handle more of their own routine. Done is better than perfect.
Printable routine cards
The Solo Parent Playbook includes printable morning, after-school, bedtime and weekend routine cards for kids, plus an evening landing routine for parents. See also our morning routine for kids.
If your child has ongoing trouble falling or staying asleep, talk with your pediatrician.